memories of us laughing kept rewinding within myself,
echoes of the sound kept hitting my eardrums in a slow motion.
I can clearly differentiate between the genre of music that they usually play here and the one that's playing right now. It has to do with the emotions, I know. Everyone here will miss you, and you know that too. I wish I could say how the thought of this farewell has been bothering me or maybe saying this doesn't even count on my to-do-s list anymore. I know how hard it is for him to leave. And I don't want to make it harder.
I can recall the blue ball we played together, just like kids, even when everyone told us how old we've both gotten but we don't count our ages, right? And I don't want to count it, even now.
"Hey! I know you've been waiting for him all day long. But he will be here soon now. I just called the doctor; they're coming with him," said the Chef.
"It's okay, I can wait. But I'm not sure if he can anymore," I say.
He nods and leaves to prepare for the arrival.
They have closed the shop today. It's all just for him.
Just so we can all have our time together, almost like the old times.
When the vehicle pulled off, right at the front entrance, I knew he would be there trying to struggle with the battle. My heart started beating at a pace, I can't even calculate. And then, I see him.
It is like those times when you feel excited about seeing your closest friend and then you realize, he's leaving. I was a step forward with a smile and my hands, all ready to hug him but then I take a step back and narrow my lips.
I observe.
I observe him till my nose feels the sight burn; it is all set to let the tears roll down from my eyes. But I'm not ready for it.
Then I just stare at him. Not thinking anything at all. I pause the moment, although the time at the wall clock at my left is ticking. And I keep looking at him until he wags his tail.
That is the last friendly wave he signaled to me.
"I think I should inject him or else he might feel the pain more. He has been throwing up. We should do this as soon as possible. I'm sorry, but it's time for us to bid goodbye," said the doctor.
I can't hear anyone saying all those kind words to Coffee.
I know they are hugging him but my vision is all blurred and foggy.
I want to go near him; cry so bad hugging him, tell him again & again how important he is to me, and sing his favorite lullaby to sleep.
But I don't do that. And I don't know why.
I look at him.
His shiny eyes are fixed on my direction.
And I just smile from there.
I hope he gets it means, everything will be fine. But I'll miss you.
And even if this is hard now, it will be back to fine soon. But I'll still miss you.
The needle pierces his body.
Seconds ago, he was there twisting his body with pain his age had brought.
And now, he is sound asleep. This place no longer felt like home. It felt like an amusement park where you have memories of you getting scared of taking a ride, enjoying it, and have felt sad to say the day's over and it's time to go home.
I want to go home.
I want to run & pack my stuff from my apartment.
I want to leave this place & go back to my Uncle's.
With every thought, I take a step back until I hit a table and Coffee's blue ball drops from it and rolls over to the chef. He picks it up, holds it forming a "T" with his hands and throws it towards me as if we're playing basketball. I catch it and hold it tightly.
"There. See, it didn't roll. It is just where it belongs," the chef said with a smile that hid his teary eyes.
I try to force a smile at him but I can't. I leave the scene to walk home.
Home, as if it was.
I don't want to make the mistakes like the characters in sad movies or fictional tales. Maybe I might be too old to regret things I have done already. I grab my bag packs and take a last look at the place that had been my home for almost a year and a half.
That night, I lay on the bed that had been empty for the time I was out searching to experience emotions. Now that I'm here, I feel like myself again. I glance at the shinning dots from my window. The glass reflects my image. I look at myself and then at those stars, I keep doing this until I'm done measuring how far Coffee lives now. He has traveled far enough.
I close my eyes,
I remember Coffee,
for accepting me, and letting me know that I can be loved.
for being the creature that made me realize the power,
the emotions, and weakness I had within myself.
Thank you!
I remember Coffee,
his bright black eyes that scared me the first time,
and those same pairs that made me realize the purity of finding love in things you least expect to.
Thank you!
I remember Coffee,
for being the best friend I had,
when the world thought I was lame,
you kept wagging your tail joyfully.
Thank you!
. . .
And maybe it is the time I let my emotions wash me away with it.
I close my eyes
and let it fall,
let it drown me with its purity.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Epilogue
dedicated to Coffee,
whom I could never express my emotions
whom I couldn't get to bid goodbye
whom I was scared of for having awful nightmares
which weren't your fault.
where ever you are,
I love you, bud.
hope you're wagging your tail happily.
here's to people & things I said goodbye this year,
yet couldn't express anything that felt inside of me.
I suck at this, but I miss you.
| about the series |
fiction
Those tiny glimpses of past held together to constantly push me to jump off the cliff, and believe that there are endless possibilities of surviving that crazy jump. When I realized the magic of those tales, I couldn't wait to create my own characters and bring them to life.
I wanted readers to experience a blend of emotions along this fictional journey. And I do my optimum to make this happen.
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